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Wednesday, October 24, 2012

try to awake the dead hulk

"Sadnees" is a word to describe  you when someone does something really stupid that annoyed you.. but thats common, "Hurt" is a word to describe betrayal , "Depression"  is a word to describe you when you are down . So what could be the word to describe the feeling of deeply you will enjoy a bullet in your body that may can ease the pain inside your heart  especially  if the bullet will be in your heart?! what could be the word to describe the most loneliest feeling?. Sadness, hurt, deprission, loneliness, anger , roath, loath, fear all are words can be used daily, but this can't be daily happening. Maybe i prefere the word "Death" ,but i am not dead or maybe i am, i am a dead man walking and talking-not really lately- how can we describe the word "Alive" or what is the word that can replace it?! can it be "Soul" maybe...so how can we judge it being alive or  not. Being alive can be being happy around your friends that really care about you that you can not be afraid of being alone that if you disappeared a day they will worry and if you did more than a day they will die looking for you and after you. or maybe in a family that you feel connected, or bieng alive is having someone beside you that can be your life and more important than your life and even yourself.
     But bieng alive is sharing your life wiyh the people. so how can you share something you do not have. You do not have the soul, the friends, or that impeortant person that care about you. So what the hell live for yourself. In this point specifically i truly envy you all. Because i loath myself that can hardely love or trust,and this is my problem behind my smiley face the problem that i can not deal with.
        And finally why i am saying this? because im sick of it all. first i hate sympathy, and i feel pity for you if someone felt sad for me because you do not know me, i was HULK that can not be destroyed that never feel never trust never love never care never Human. So why i am saying this? maybe humiliation. Humiliation that led me to the question that i ask to myself alot
Am i broken or am i finally alive? or is this the tax for eventually bieng human after years of being an animal?
im missed being an animal because i am in hell now.

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